Sarah Palin Kissed My Dick

It was 1984 – Wasilla, when Former beauty queen and future Vice-President Sarah Palin kissed my dick.

Hot girl had just won the Miss Wasilla Pageant and we were partying. I didn’t know Sarah that well, had kinda seen her round and was friends with some of her friends and we just happened to be at the same party.

She took me by surprise, I was just leaving the bathroom (on my way to get a cold beer) and she saw my dick and just, well – made a bee-line, grabbed a hold and just couldn’t stop kissing, she then lifted my dick right up into the palms of her hand and started to gently stroke and caress. It was pure and utter joy, to just see the love in her eyes, the tender way she held my dick was amazing.

I will tell you something , listen-up, my dick has never been held so lovingly , before or after Sarah Palin. I went to pieces soon afterwards, messed my life-up.

Had to put Richard up for adoption , he will be 24 years old next month – hope he votes for Sarah Palin.

J. K. R. Interferes With Wizard

J.K.R. the creator of blockbusting fantasy wizard superstar; Harry Potter, is today desperately trying to stop the release of a blue movie starring Daniel Radcliffe.

Radcliffe plays the part of a Wizard who's party trick is, well...wanking.

But the wizard is not just any old wanker, as his penis is invisible which affords some very, very funny moments to be portrayed. For instance, in one scene we see him at Buckingham Palace receiving his knighthood. Her Majesty touches his shoulder with her sword and asks him to get-up from his kneeling position.

He tries to rise but is in the middle of a wank (of course to onlookers it appears he has neuromuscular problems , as in apparently uncontrolable shaking and muscle spasms). Anyway, the Queen bends down to help him up at the same moment he empties 4 weeks worth of semen into her face...

The film has other story lines too. As in Lord Voldemort ¨The Gay Wizard¨ who has a sensational crush on Harry. Not to mention the Wizard's Wench (Hermione Granger) who has multiple vaginas - and wants to kill Harry by F****** him to death.

A spokesperson for filmmakers, Fallen Wizard Productions said,

¨JKR can do what she f****** wants, she is not going to stop the wanking wizard. Besides, she better be careful as our next production is about wicked witch authors who cast spells on innocent children through writing books¨

Good Vibrations

Japanese artist; Osaka Macok hás caused quite a stir with his alabaster creation of Jesus of Nazareth with a hard-on!

The statue, which was displayed at a Gateshead (UK) Art Centre is allegedly responsible for a spurt in phallic sex toys.

An art centre spokesman said ¨The response to Macok's portrayal of Jesus has been stonking - we have had busloads of adoring female admirers from as far as Dublin, Southern France and Italy - in fact we had to break-up a fight between the Benedictine and Franciscan orders¨.

Sex shops in Newcastle, Lourdes, Dublin, Rome and Milan have reported a ten-fold increase in vibrator sales.

Stikit Upme, a sex shop manager from Newcastle said ¨It's f****** incredible, these nympho's have cleaned me out, there's not a cock left standing here. I'll tell you mate, the juices will be flowing in the cloisters tonight¨

It's not the first time the Japanese sculptor has courted controversy, last year he chiselled Tony Blair and named the piece ¨What a Prick¨

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All posts on this blog are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof...

London's Mayor Stinks - Official!

The elected ¨King of London¨, Lord Mayor Boris Johnson was today taken to one side by friend, foe and rival David Cameron.

Cameron embarrassingly had the task of telling the porker ¨that he smells¨, Well! ¨stinks actually¨...

Cameron held a clutch of handwritten letters of resignation and duly pointed out the opening sentence in each.

¨ I cannot for one more minute tolerate the stench of the Mayor¨ The pals, both alumni of Eton and of Oxford's Bullingdon club had a man-to-man talk about the future responsibility of appointments to the Mayor's team and have agreed to issue nose-pegs and sick-bags to all newly appointed employees. Cameron went on by telling him,

¨Boris, there is no point in you wallowing in a vicarious victimhood; and that many of us old Etonians have a deeply unattractive smell; and many of us refuse to accept personal hygiene responsibility as in washing and showering regularly "

¨But for the sake of the party pull your socks-up - or rather, change them¨

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